Friday, March 13, 2015

Chris Harrison loves nachos, too

     As I stumbled out of the red barn, I lifted the hem of my taffeta gown with one hand and clutched the rose tightly against my bosom with the other. I began to run, but my black, platform-heeled, sling backs were no match for the lumpy, frozen ground. I looked around head started to spin.......the rows and rows of empty cornfields,dusted with snow, besieged me. There was no way out. Suddenly, I felt the warmth of his breath on my neck, "It's over, Aubrey. Give me the rose." Tears streamed from my eyes. I shook my head in defiance. My legs crumbled as my body surrendered to the brutal, Iowa dirt. The stoic Chris Harrison ripped the rose out of my grasp...a thorn tore the flesh of my palm. I wailed in pain, "Nooooooooooooo!"   "He's in  love with Whitney," Harrison callously called over his shoulder as he turned his back  to my agony. I grabbed his perfectly tailored pant leg and screamed, "I'm not in love with Prince Farming, you idiot! I'm just not ready for this season of The Bachelor to end!" 
     Startled, sweating & shivering,  I awoke from the horror. However, the real nightmare for me would begin next Monday night.
     For the last 2 months, my Monday nights have been spent religiously/obsessively consuming every ounce of every episode of the brilliantly casted & edited 19th season of +The Bachelor.  Watching  "The Bachelor" Chris Soules try to bring a thought to verbal fruition, stammer in fragmented sentences linked by the words, "amazing" or "clarity", and use multiple breathing gymnastics in lieu of answering questions brought me entertainment beyond my wildest dreams. And that's just a nugget of how this reality gem seduced me.
     The other reason that I am grieving the end of +The Bachelor  is that there will be no more viewing parties with the amazing, loaded, veggie nacho platters that Mother Dearest prepared for every episode....thin, crispy  chips and melted Colby Jack cheese blanketed with warm, roasted veggies & spinach, then hit with a cool layer of shredded lettuce, black olives & salsa, paired with fat free sour cream & guac on the side.....ahhh, clarity.

    As a tribute to season 19 of +The Bachelor and to the fact that I,too, have fallen in love(with MD's ultimate nachos), I would like to hand out a few roses to honor some other amazing, loaded nachos .
        In the words of  Chris Harrison, "Aubrey (long pause), whenever your ready."
     +Elephant&Castle , Grove City:    Will you accept this rose for having the best loaded nachos ever?  With a wreath of warm, tri-color nachos decorated with slices of jalapenos and black olives, diced onion & green peppers then wrapped with plenty of melted cheddar jack cheese and adorned with a mini tortilla bowl filled with sour cream, guacamole & salsa.....feasting on these is my favorite holiday .

Tavern 245, 4th Ave, Pgh:  Will you accept this rose as Downtown's best loaded nachos? So worth the climb up the stairs off of 4th! Perfection on a platter, keep the chicken on the side if you must.   
+T.G.I. Friday's : Will you accept this rose as the best loaded nachos at a chain restaurant?
  No naked chips here. Each half moon is fully dressed with creamy refried beans & melted cheese. *Tip: ask for extra jalapenos  & salsa.
 Atria's PNC Park  Will you accept this rose for the best nachos with meat? Although I prefer my mine sans meat, The Pot Roast nachos won over my heart and my tummy! 
+Pittsburgh Penguins : Will you accept this rose for the best nachos at a pro sporting event in Pittsburgh? 
                    +Pittsburgh Pirates game = I hate their cheese + chincy on the chips + games are too long
                    +Pittsburgh Steelers game = I hate the Steelers + I hate going to their games
                  Pens game =  season tix + indoors + overloaded, plastic trays of nachos +Michelob ULTRA 

Winner:  Pens

Chris Harrison:  Will you accept this final  rose for perfecting the delivery of  +The Bachelor & +The Bachelorette series' signature lines, for truly believing in "the process" and for taking me on "this journey" season after season?
               The Bachelorette & more MD's ultimate nachos begin May 18, 2015!

Elephant & Castle Pub & Restaurant on Urbanspoon T.G.I. Friday's on Urbanspoon     Tavern 245 on UrbanspoonClick to add a blog post for Atria's on Zomato Click to add a blog post for Atria's on Zomato