Saturday, January 31, 2015

Dear Mister Ed

(On 1/23/2015, a letter from Ed Chadwick, of +Undercover Boss  fame, was released by the Mayor's office & published on the City of Pittsburgh's official website. I sent the following letter to Mr. Chadwick with his address per the city's website. Unfortunately, my letter was returned unopened as address unknown.  I am publishing my letter here in the hope that it will reach him.)

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Ed Chadwick
P.O. Box 1234
Loretto, KY  40037


Dear Mister Ed,

     I am so happy to find out you that you are real and speaking!  As one of your new friends in Pittsburgh, I'd like to give you some advice. I think you should leave KY behind and +VisitPittsburgh again to help your good buddy, Mayor Peduto, explain this silly Undercover Boss situation. Let the city get it straight from the horse's mouth!

     Whoah! Hold your horses, Mr. Ed! I know you think the media in Pittsburgh is beating a dead horse here, but I think it's time for y'all to come out of the barn! Like you said in your letter, "you have to help people when you get the chance",  and your good buddy could use your help.

     Honestly, this whole thing is making both of you look like a bit of a horse's a**.  And, as you know, no one can talk to a horse's a** , of course. That is, of course, unless the horse's a** is the famous Mr. Ed!

    Please, Mr. Ed, you will always have KY, but the Mayor needs you now.

Sincerely, your new friend,

      Aubrey

P.S. Could you also tell your buddy about the parking issues on my street in the South Side? Thanks!

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                            To view Mr. Ed's letter, go to:
                             http://apps.pittsburghpa.gov/mayorpeduto/Chadwickletter.pdf


Tuesday, January 27, 2015

my hillbilly, faded genes




      Well, butter my butt and call me biscuit! That's right, y'all. I am part hillbilly & proud. My paternal grandparents are as authentic as they come. Not to be confused with rednecks or white trash, I'm talking hillbillies, born & raised in Olive Hill, Kentucky. After gettin' hitched at a young age, they loaded up their truck and moved to Ohio, where they done raised 5 youngins. Fittingly, they now live in a log cabin in North Carolina.
.
    If you are familiar with the hillybilly ways, breakfast is church and the more fixin's, animal fats & processed meats brought to the table, the better. So, when our kin are in town, the age ol' debate rolls around in the morning, "+Cracker Barrel Old Country Store (CB) or Bob Evan's"

    Me?  I would prefer EggsRUs in Crafton, Kelly O's in the Strip or Pamela's in Shadyside. But that's not one of my options today. Food? I want a veggie, egg white omelet, no fried taters or pork products. Not so hillybilly-like.

     Well, kiss my grits and call me breakfast! While both menu's boast similar country themed breakfast fair at their locality, CB does not make omelets.  But BobE's offers "Stuffed 3-Egg Omelets". BobE's gives me a purty good egg white omelet:  The Farm Favorite with baby spinach, a heapin'  helpin' of roasted portabellos, onions, Swiss cheese & tomatoes.



Here's a few other things CB does not have:

  CB does not have a easy way to get to the hostess stand. They prefer to make customers plow through their over-stocked, over-crowded & over-priced General nonsense Store. BobE's simple set-up is stress free.

  CB does not have WiFi because the restaurant chain does not want their "guests" to "linger". BobE's hospitality includes WiFi.

  CB does not have authentic country roots. CB started as an oil salesman's scheme to lure travelers off of highways to increase gas sales. BobE really was born & raised down on the farm where he started making his own sausage.

  CB does not really like their patrons. Why else would they put a seemingly innocent child's game to play on all of their tables that not only frustrates, but silently calls their patrons "dumb" & "eg-no-ra-mooses"?

  CB does not have a great history with the LGBT community. BobE's is quite accepting of others' sexual orientation as evidenced in his kid's menu's gender neutral mascot, Chuck the Chick.

 
 
 
y'all come back now, ya hear?!
 
 
 
 
 
 
Bob Evans Restaurant on Urbanspoon     

Saturday, January 3, 2015

T.S. 2014

                                          'Tis the Season


Hope your holidays are faubulous!
 
; )
 
 
 
 

Friday, January 2, 2015

C'mon, Primanti's...get it together!!


     ... it's not aerospace engineering here.

     When one takes two things that are totally the bomb on their own and puts them together, it detonates a wonderful, marvelous magic that's just plain ol' out of this world!! Like when +EddieVedderVEVO of +Pearl Jam  joined +Bruce Springsteen  onstage (at Wrigley Field & I was there) or anytime my cousin and I get together ....



 
      But I'm talking about culinary combustion here....a dynamite blast of yummy to my palate that I invented and I feel it's my obligation to bring it to your attention so the world may be knocked out by this melding of  scrumptious.

     This is not breaking news:  +Primanti Bros. '  (commonly pronounced "Permanni's") signature, vinegar-based coleslaw, made with angel hair cut cabbage, is heavenly.

    News to anyone that doesn't know me:  I am a slaw-th ( and quite sloth-like as well), meaning, I love coleslaw. If it's on a menu, I will order it as a side or as my meal. I will even wait in a ridiculously long drive thru line at +ChickfilA Robinson at lunchtime to order nothing but slaw.

    My other must order item.... nachos....my diet kryptonite. Unfortunately, it is so rare for a restaurant to do this seemingly simple dish well....it makes me loco. My unhealthy obsession forces me to try nachos anytime I see them on a menu. More often then not, I just end up ripping them apart, with both my fork & my words...... probing, dissecting & cursing ...obliterating them into a tortilla landfill.

   Then one fateful, late night stop at Primanti's. I noticed 'Nachos Grande Supreme & More' on the menu, hmmmmmmmm....

       " I'll have a side of coleslaw & try the Nachos Grande,"  I said with the lowest of expectations.

    The nachos came out on a big platter, piled high with chips, toasty & warm.  Whoa...  this does look pretty Grande & Supreme.... The 'Almost Famous Hot Chili' and nacho cheese were ample without smothering the chips...sprinkled with sliced jalapenos, pico and a dollup of sour cream.

 

             But.... Sorry, Primanti Bros., there just wasn't the "& More" that was promised.

            Until....Bam!!!.....I decided to cover my  nachos with your coleslaw. Boom....now Bite this!!!




 Duhhhh...Primanti's....you put your coleslaw on all of your sammies; therefore, making them unique & delicious...so, why wouldn't you put it on your loaded nachos!



  So, get it together & Please, please, steal my nacho concept & take your nachos to the next level .....before someone else does & makes their own version of Aubrey's Almost Famous Nachos Grande Supreme!!

  Primanti Brothers on Urbanspoon     Primanti Brothers on Urbanspoon